A Letter to a Future Student

Dear future student,

Professor Conaway is all you could ever ask for in an English professor. He will tell you at the beginning of the class that you have these things called blogs. They're kind of a big deal. When he says to not keep up with them, he means it. Do your blog posts as assigned, on time. Not only are they a grade but they will be very helpful in writing your papers. Blog posts are meant to help you.

The next part of this class is papers. You have three major papers. I enjoyed writing these papers because I really thought hard about the topics I wanted to use. If you pick fun and exciting topics, you  will enjoy writing your papers. Many of my classmates had trouble with their papers and this is likely because their topic was boring. You get to pick your topics. Take advantage of that!

The last thing: class itself. Its somewhat entertaining. You watch some great videos which illustrate Professor Conaways points. Additionally, he will tell you what he wants to see in the paper. Make an effort. Make a solid rough draft. Take criticism. And make English more than just a required class you have to take.

Development as a Writer

Development isn't exactly the right word here. I don't think my writing developed leaps and bounds in the course. This is only because I think that, because my high school was so writing intensive and I spend two years writing with the AP curriculum, my writing at the beginning of this class was essentially developed. I would say that my writing matured more than anything. While I wrote amazing essays back in high school under the AP standards, I couldn't answer reading comprehension multiple choice questions for my life. Additionally, we had very strict standards where a good essay looked like XYZ. This helped me develop strong writing skills, but at the same time, it limited my creative ability. I really liked how I was able to think about writing in a bigger picture setting. I was allowed to think critically and write how I wanted. The biggest accomplishment was finding my own tone and style which I think conveys ideas better than the AP standard. I liked researching and writing in this class instead of writing about useless crap that didn't matter like I felt I was doing in high school. I found my voice.

I really really realllllllyyyy enjoyed the metaphor in this class. It allowed me to connect what I've already learned and learn practical writing. Particularly, the prickles and goo idea and dinner conversations were awesome ways at looking at things. They were useful in writing something that has meaning. I wasn't the largest fan of the triangle because... well... it didn't need to be in a triangle. In highschool, we used SOAPSTone, which I felt was a better application of the same idea. http://apcentral.collegeboard.com/apc/public/preap/teachers_corner/45200.html

THANKS FOR THE AMAZING SEMESTER! TEACH CREATIVE WRITING! I'LL TAKE THE CLASS!!!

Scientific Feature C/C

Student Sample #1 and #6

The author picked a very interesting topic as it is more of an uncommon topic and yet its ethical component is very interesting. I really enjoyed the development of the topic as the paper progressed. Each paragraph smoothly transitions into the next. The paragraphs were focused, which helped the audience keep interest. At the same time though, none of the information was random, but all related back to the topic and investigated further into fining. At the same time though, the introduction and first few paragraphs poorly introduced the topic and i didn't understand full what was going on until i was a few paragraphs in. It is clear a lot of research went into this paper and the evidence is strongly supported.

Comparatively,  I really enjoyed sample #6 because of its focus and organization. The essay successfully introduces the subject of electrical vehicles and makes the topic interesting and entertaining. I really liked the subsections into the different sections because it allowed for catigorical organization where the topics were well focused without interference. The topic also looks to be broad yet the specifics are well investigated. There are also implications discussed, but I think the author could have gone further there. I will integrate the idea of subtitles in my paper to organize the many ideas I want to discuss.

Comparing Inquiries

Sample Essay #2 and #11

Sample essay #2 investigates the potential controversy regarding aspartame. I enjoyed the essay for the most part, mainly due to the human element present though out the paper. The author introduces herself as a diabetic and frequent user of the product. The outcome of aspartame is very near and dear to her. She also creates a sense of urgency as she relays the idea of most of the population consuming the chemical. Additionally, she tells of the potential it has as a carcinogenic chemical. While she states that it may be harmful, she equally supports the side that it may not be toxic, creating a well balanced and non-bias view. I would have to say, that while her informal language is ok, it is way to informal for this serious of a topic. She could still incorporate her own personal story while getting rid of all of the contractions and slang which affect the authors ethos. Also, at times, especially in paragraph two, the inquiry starts to sound much like a rant. There are too many explanation points and they begin to loose impact. She says the same think about 10 different times about how bad this could affect her. That's nice but move on, answer the question "so what", and go a different direction. Personally, I lost interest in these sections where she said the same thing again and again.

On the other hand, the essay about urinal etiquette was hilarious, informing, and engaging. While I don not really have anything negitive to say, in contrast to essay #2, this topic is much more appropriate for the informal language used. While being informal though, the topic is much heavily researched: observation, practical application, personal experience, and analyzing other studies. Because of all of this information and well versed argument, the author keeps the ethos needed to seriously argue his point. At no point was I bored, and I think this was because of the conversation and instructive like tone. It is relateable, for men at least. I enjoyed how the author explored all possible sides he felt could answer the question and was not afraid to dismiss a possible answer after investigating it. Overall, excellent paper and well researched topic!

Peer Review 3

Jamie Kraft

Peer Review and Commentary—Science Feature

The Lead:

How does the lead pull the reader in and entice her to read on?  Is it surprising, or are claims made that are common knowledge (note: the reader shouldn’t be able to say, ‘well duh.’)?  Is it effective?  Can it be made more effective?  (think details, human drama, evocative language—why do/don’t you want to read on?)

This paragraph can defiantly be made more effective. Most of the information is pretty well known and it does not introduce the topic: electronic cigarettes. The quote was kind of interesting but didn’t really still interesting in me. Also, look at the syntax- some phrases were awkward

Does the lead give a clear indication of what the story will be about, or rely on mystery, or both?  Would more of a focus be helpful?  Is the reader aware of the importance of a topic—why it matters and is worth learning about?  Adversely, if for more entertainment purposes, is the topic engaging enough to compel reading?

It talks about cigarettes but doesn’t even mention the main topic: e-cigarettes. Going from broad, cigarettes, to narrow, their electronic alternative, would be more helpful in focusing. Health is briefly discussed as an answer to why this topic matters.

Organization:

Consider how the story is structured.  Chronological, thematic, chapter/section-based, inquiry-driven?  Is it effective?  Be specific—if a paragraph doesn’t transition well into the next, mention it and provide suggestions for improvement.

The feature is generally well structured. Each paragraph has its own idea and dwells a bit on that. It flows chronologically. It feels more like an argument though…. Transitions are basically absent and should be added to help with flow.

Is each paragraph well focused, or are several ideas competing for attention?  How can better focus be achieved?

Each paragraph focuses on one idea! Great! It would be nice to see some more focus and depth into each of the ideas though. It feels as if the surface is just being skimmed. Dare to dive deeper.

Are there certain points (factual or narrative based) that require more development?  Are you, the reader, unclear at certain points?  Are any ideas superfluous or distracting?

Yes. There are points where some more factual data can be inputted because I read something and my first thought is I know that that’s not true… One part I was just really confused about was where you said age to smoke is unlimited? What does that mean? I don’t think unlimited is the correct word.

Balance of human interest and information.  Point out sections that become too bogged down in dry facts or heavily specialized concepts.  Adversely, find sections that rely on narrative without giving the reader proper background information and factual points of reference.

Most of what is included is just data and facts compiled into a paper. It would be nice for it to flow as a story or even add some metaphor or comparison to tie it back to the human element.

Are claims backed up by examples, evidence, research?  Are sensory details employed effectively?  Are abstractions made concrete through use of examples and details?

There is some evidence of research through the mention of sources in paragraphs. Adding specific states that outlawed public smoking would help. Also, prove to me the information that you’re giving me. Are e-cigarettes really formally known as electronic? Are they not still know as that? Are they really the most used alternative? I don’t believe that…

How is the story concluded?  Does it wrap up the topic neatly and provide closure?  Does it ask bigger questions or compel the reader to search for more?  Are you left wanting more (and is this a good thing)?  Is it effective?

It wraps up by attacking electronic cigarettes as more of a drug than a quitting tool. This is where it really sounds like an argument and not a scientific feature. The questions asked are not really that big and I don’t really want more at this point. I wouldn’t say that its effective. To make it so, simply tie up loose ends and look at the broader, world impact. Introducing hookah makes it confusing too- stay focused.

Voice and Audience

Characterize the story’s voice and tone?  Is it suitable for the topic?  Is it engaging?  Is it consistent throughout the piece?  If first person POV is used, is this effective or jarring (remember, most story’s should rely on the strength of the topic for engagement, not the evidence of authorial intrusion).

Informal tone is fine. There are WAY too many contractions though which is not appropriate to use for a  scientific journal. The informal language doesn’t really give this paper anything since there is no story attached.

Try to characterize the audience.  What venue (publication) do you think this story suits?  Why?  Does the author effectively address this audience (too dumbed-down or sensational, too dry and esoteric)?

The audience is likely young adult audience. It gives of the feeling of an online journal topic investigating the harmful effects of cigarettes. It is a bit too dumbed-down and it would be nice to see a bit more depth.

Mechanics

Mark any ineffective or over-used word/phrase choices.  Mark any repetitive sentence structures.  Offer advice on vocabulary, syntax, and sentence structure. Mark other grammar issues and typos.

There was some awkward syntax, especially in the first few paragraphs. Also, cigarettes in the last paragraph  are not possessive.

Peer Review 2

Jazmine

Peer Review and Commentary—Science Feature

The Lead:

How does the lead pull the reader in and entice her to read on?  Is it surprising, or are claims made that are common knowledge (note: the reader shouldn’t be able to say, ‘well duh.’)?  Is it effective?  Can it be made more effective?  (think details, human drama, evocative language—why do/don’t you want to read on?)

Make this a cery active paragraph. “Scan through” instead of hypothetical. It will make it a stronger introduction. The rhetorical questions are generally effective. It isn’t really surprising, but relatable.

Does the lead give a clear indication of what the story will be about, or rely on mystery, or both?  Would more of a focus be helpful?  Is the reader aware of the importance of a topic—why it matters and is worth learning about?  Adversely, if for more entertainment purposes, is the topic engaging enough to compel reading?

I really like your focus on the science within the music. I think this is an under researched area and it sparks my interest for sure. The lead does indicate what the story will be about. You could do a bit more implication of why the reader should care though. “So what?”

Organization:

Consider how the story is structured.  Chronological, thematic, chapter/section-based, inquiry-driven?  Is it effective?  Be specific—if a paragraph doesn’t transition well into the next, mention it and provide suggestions for improvement.

I really like your transitions! You wrap up one paragraph and go right into the next. The topics flow one after the other and are related. At the same time each paragraph has its own subtopic  and focus. I think more can be said though about why the audience should care. Thematic structure is good.

Is each paragraph well focused, or are several ideas competing for attention?  How can better focus be achieved?

All of the paragraphs are really good and well focused. The last body paragraph about ASD really throws me off though. I don’t know what to think because it has nothing to do with the past paragraphs and seems jumbled together.

Are there certain points (factual or narrative based) that require more development?  Are you, the reader, unclear at certain points?  Are any ideas superfluous or distracting?

Yes, a few. I think the research is really well done but that more could be said in general. Dive deeper and tell people why they should care. How does music impact everyone? Is music required in a persons like or merely indispensible?

Balance of human interest and information.  Point out sections that become too bogged down in dry facts or heavily specialized concepts.  Adversely, find sections that rely on narrative without giving the reader proper background information and factual points of reference.

The topic lends itself to this being a more informal paper with strong human ties. You could speak less to the audience though. Less you and we and more of who you researched. Don’t make assuming statements because that is not solid research and you don’t know how I feel. Music is very interpretational.

Are claims backed up by examples, evidence, research?  Are sensory details employed effectively?  Are abstractions made concrete through use of examples and details?

Yes! This is very well researched and I bet that the current sources could be used to finish the paper through the addition of concrete examples. As far as sensory, how does one feel, physiologically, when listening to music? I think hormones would be good to talk about more. Do certain hormones get released with certain music?

How is the story concluded?  Does it wrap up the topic neatly and provide closure?  Does it ask bigger questions or compel the reader to search for more?  Are you left wanting more (and is this a good thing)?  Is it effective?

The conclusion is very blah… It doesn’t really say much or do everything. Tie up loose ends and then look at the big picture. Connect in a universal way where everyone can see the implications. Tie your paper together.

Voice and Audience

Characterize the story’s voice and tone?  Is it suitable for the topic?  Is it engaging?  Is it consistent throughout the piece?  If first person POV is used, is this effective or jarring (remember, most story’s should rely on the strength of the topic for engagement, not the evidence of authorial intrusion).

The story is rather informal. This works, but the “yous” need to be taken out and replaced with more formal language. Talking to the audience is somewhat uncomfortable with such a perceptive topic.

Try to characterize the audience.  What venue (publication) do you think this story suits?  Why?  Does the author effectively address this audience (too dumbed-down or sensational, too dry and esoteric)?

This would be really good in a cognitive or psychological jorurnal. It discusses a lot of basic psychology and implications of such would be very compelling. The author is almost to the point, and will be after going just a little deeper, to effectivle address the audience.

Mechanics

Mark any ineffective or over-used word/phrase choices.  Mark any repetitive sentence structures.  Offer advice on vocabulary, syntax, and sentence structure. Mark other grammar issues and typos.

 Youtube or log on to spotify is weird syntax. In general, examine your sentence structure because it is very similar at times and becomes boring. No other grammar or typos that I saw.

Peer Review 1

Sarah Ahart

Peer Review and Commentary—Science Feature

The Lead:

How does the lead pull the reader in and entice her to read on?  Is it surprising, or are claims made that are common knowledge (note: the reader shouldn’t be able to say, ‘well duh.’)?  Is it effective?  Can it be made more effective?  (think details, human drama, evocative language—why do/don’t you want to read on?)

Beautiful introduction! Like really well constructed. It is interesting, introduces the subject, and new information to me. VERY effective at drawing in attention.

Does the lead give a clear indication of what the story will be about, or rely on mystery, or both?  Would more of a focus be helpful?  Is the reader aware of the importance of a topic—why it matters and is worth learning about?  Adversely, if for more entertainment purposes, is the topic engaging enough to compel reading?

It clearly introduces the topic in a relaxed manner through the telling of a story. The personal human element is clear very early on in the paper.

Organization:

Consider how the story is structured.  Chronological, thematic, chapter/section-based, inquiry-driven?  Is it effective?  Be specific—if a paragraph doesn’t transition well into the next, mention it and provide suggestions for improvement.

The feature starts out with the basics by defining what synestisia really is in a relatable way It then dives into exploring each face in focus as well as the historical and current understandings. If you need to up your word count, it would be nice to hear more implications. Dig deeper into why all of this really matters and try to evoke some emotion from the reader. I also really like your transitions where you sum up the last paragraph and start a new one.

Is each paragraph well focused, or are several ideas competing for attention?  How can better focus be achieved?

Each paragraph focuses on one idea! Great! It would be nice to see some more focus and depth into each of the ideas though. While you’re already getting technical and specific, look into some of the impacts. Relate to other conditions maybe?

Are there certain points (factual or narrative based) that require more development?  Are you, the reader, unclear at certain points?  Are any ideas superfluous or distracting?

Your bases are covered and you have all the development needed to produce a good paper. Everything is clearly explained. It would be nice to hear a bit more about the impact that this has on the person and people around them. Is this just something they have to deal with? Why? Why should I care about this topic?

Balance of human interest and information.  Point out sections that become too bogged down in dry facts or heavily specialized concepts.  Adversely, find sections that rely on narrative without giving the reader proper background information and factual points of reference.

Most of the paper includes the human element from early in the paper. I really like how the information just flows seamlessly from paragraph to paragraph and the human element just stays constant. I guess it helps that this is a human condition…

Are claims backed up by examples, evidence, research?  Are sensory details employed effectively?  Are abstractions made concrete through use of examples and details?

Everything seems to be clearly cited and explained. Try bringing in more sensory clues to help the audience relate physically and emotionally to the paper. I think this is a really cool topic and the paper could really impact the audience.

How is the story concluded?  Does it wrap up the topic neatly and provide closure?  Does it ask bigger questions or compel the reader to search for more?  Are you left wanting more (and is this a good thing)?  Is it effective?

So you’re sort of missing a conclusion, but you already know that… For your conclusion, I would make it very human focused, somewhat as a mirror on your introduction. Tie up the lose ends and make your you really make clear what this really is. Think big picture, worldly implications.

Voice and Audience

Characterize the story’s voice and tone?  Is it suitable for the topic?  Is it engaging?  Is it consistent throughout the piece?  If first person POV is used, is this effective or jarring (remember, most story’s should rely on the strength of the topic for engagement, not the evidence of authorial intrusion).

Informal tone which really works in this human paper. The writing was great and vey engaging. Its tone remained consistent and facts were easily integrated. I really liked the interview point of view. Expand that into the paper and conclusion more, please.

Try to characterize the audience.  What venue (publication) do you think this story suits?  Why?  Does the author effectively address this audience (too dumbed-down or sensational, too dry and esoteric)?

This belongs in a psychology research journal because I feel this topic is more common than one thinks and there isn’t much awareness about it. The audience is addressed well. Maybe add more fact and sciency stuff.

Mechanics

Mark any ineffective or over-used word/phrase choices.  Mark any repetitive sentence structures.  Offer advice on vocabulary, syntax, and sentence structure. Mark other grammar issues and typos.

None that I saw.

Sarah, really amazing and interesting paper! Thank you so much for letting me read it!